Recognizing When a Sober Loved One May Need Extra Support
When a loved one achieves sobriety, it's a significant milestone – a moment of deep relief and renewed hope. But recovery doesn't end with putting down the substance. True healing is an ongoing process, often involving a deeper exploration of the reasons that led to substance use in the first place. At times, even while sober, a person may experience internal challenges that aren’t always visible to others.
At EPIC Recovery, we support individuals in creating lives where substances are no longer needed to cope. This includes recognizing when someone, even in sobriety, may be facing old patterns or new pressures. Being aware of these shifts is not about labeling or assuming the worst — it’s about offering presence, understanding, and support that meets them where they are.
Subtle Shifts to Watch For: Signs Your Loved One Might Need More Support
It's important to remember that these signs don't automatically mean a relapse is imminent, but they do indicate internal distress that needs attention. Look for changes in their usual demeanour or routine.
Emotional Volatility or Flatness:
Increased Irritability or Anger: Small annoyances trigger disproportionate reactions.
Frequent Mood Swings: Unpredictable shifts from highs to lows.
Emotional Numbness: They might seem disengaged or describe feeling disconnected from their emotions or the people around them.
Increased Anxiety or Depression: Noticeable shifts in their overall mood, appearing more withdrawn, sad, or constantly worried.
Changes in Behaviour:
Isolation or Withdrawal: Expressions of frustration toward others, the past, or the recovery process may surface — this can be a sign of deeper emotional pain looking for a safe outlet.
Resentment or Blame: Expressing bitterness towards others, past events, or even the recovery process itself. A tendency to blame external factors for their unhappiness.
Defensiveness or Argumentativeness: Becoming easily defensive when questioned or quick to argue, especially about their sobriety or choices.
Lack of Interest in Hobbies/Activities: Losing enthusiasm for things they once enjoyed or new recovery-focused activities.
Rigidity or Inflexibility: A reluctance to compromise, adapt, or consider new perspectives.
Neglect of Self-Care: Less attention to personal hygiene, healthy eating, or physical activity.
Communication Patterns:
Dishonesty or Secrecy: They may be less open or forthcoming than usual — this can reflect internal shame or fear of disappointing others.
Negative Self-Talk: Expressing feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness, or self-pity.
Obsessive Thinking: Preoccupation with old behaviours, past wrongs, or minor issues.
How to Respond with Compassion and Support
If you notice these signs, your compassionate response can make all the difference. Remember, the goal is not to shame or accuse, but to understand and offer a path forward.
Approach with Empathy: Start the conversation from a place of love and concern, not accusation. Use "I" statements, e.g., "I've noticed you seem a bit withdrawn lately, and I'm concerned."
Listen Actively: Give them space to talk without interruption or immediate solutions. Sometimes, simply being heard is the first step.
Encourage Professional Help: Gently suggest reconnecting with their counsellor, therapist, or a support group. Reinforce that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Reinforce Boundaries: While offering support, continue to uphold any healthy boundaries you've established. This provides stability and clarity.
Focus on Connection: Encourage engagement in healthy activities, but respect their need for space. Be a reliable presence without being intrusive.
Avoid Enabling: Be mindful of stepping into patterns that take over their responsibilities. True support reinforces their ability to face challenges with agency.
You Don't Have to Navigate This Alone
Supporting a sober loved one through these challenges can be incredibly demanding. Remember, you don't have to carry this burden by yourself. EPIC Recovery offers resources specifically designed for families and friends in London, Ontario:
Friends and Family Support Group: Connect with others who understand what you're going through. Share experiences, gain insights, and find strength in community.
Counselling Support: If you're struggling with how to best support your loved one or need guidance for yourself, consider booking a free 20-minute consultation with an EPIC counsellor. Our counsellors can offer strategies and support tailored to your unique situation.
We're constantly working on new ways to support individuals and their families in London, Ontario. There will be more offerings and classes coming soon for family members and loved ones of those in recovery. Stay connected with us by joining our mailing list to learn about new offerings designed for families and loved ones navigating recovery alongside someone they care about.
Recognizing these signs is an act of love. Your awareness and compassion can contribute to a more sustainable recovery for your loved one and a stronger, more connected relationship for you both.
Disclaimer
The information provided in this blog is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional medical, psychological, or therapeutic advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician, therapist, or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical or mental health condition. If you are in crisis or need immediate assistance, please reach out to a professional or crisis service in your area or visit epicrecovery.ca/crisis.
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